Why I Almost Quit Astrology—and What Brought Me Back

Recently, I found myself Googling: What are “downloads” in the spiritual community? It’s a term I hear all the time in spiritual/wellness spaces, and something about it used to make me cringe. After looking it up, though, I realized this is something that happens to me all the time—sudden bursts of insight or moments of clarity seemingly out of nowhere.

The difference is that spiritual practitioners often see these downloads as messages from a Higher Power—a cosmic gift that deepens their wisdom or intuition. They view themselves as conduits of this divine knowledge, tasked with sharing it to serve others. While part of me finds that idea endearing, another part finds it uncomfortable, even elitist. The notion of perceiving oneself as a “God among mortals” feels…wild to me.

For me, these insights have often felt more like sudden and random epiphanies triggered by the right moment or context. Sometimes they fall into my lap truly out of thin air. But lately, I’ve started to wonder: Why do I receive these messages at somewhat perfect timing? Are they divine messages, or are they just random?

So, how does this fit into Astrology?

As an Astrologer, I am constantly looking for and seeing synchronicities everywhere. Astrology has also helped me understand other people on a very basic level—why some crave cuddles and others crave conversation. It also serves as a framework for understanding events on the macro level as well as intense micro/personal experiences. It provides meaning and depth to everyday experiences, as well as catastrophic events. Simply put, Astrology makes life more layered, nuanced, and beautiful.

But lately, I've been reflecting a lot on my role as an Astrologer—what I decide to share with the world, the energy behind my words, and the responsibility of guiding clients who listen to and trust me.

Through hours of questioning and reflection, I continually run up against the same wall. Do I see patterns because Astrology has alerted me to them, or is it some kind of cognitive or confirmation bias? I looked this up, and there is a cognitive bias called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, where essentially you see things more after you’re alerted to them. For example, if you decide you want to purchase a Subaru, you may suddenly see them everywhere. After looking this up, I started to have a real existential crisis about Astrology, something I have dedicated myself to for years. Is it all bullshit?

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was struck by an insight. Do terms like cognitive bias exist unconsciously to give meaning to what cannot be seen? A brain scientist came up with this term, and it’s useful in its own right, but it makes me wonder how often humans downplay or turn something somewhat magical into a negative. Why is it a negative to see patterns that you’re alerted to? I guess it could be in certain scenarios, but it’s also deeply beautiful to be receptive and open to the patterns around you.

The reason this has felt so heavy for me is that I have had Astrologers say things to me about my own chart that have been hard to get out of my head. Then I wonder: Is that even real, or am I noticing it because someone brought it up? So when I used to sit with a client who was experiencing a difficult Astrological transit, I would tread carefully. I would think, “Does naming a possibility plant a seed? Could my words shape their reality?” Even if I’m speaking in archetypes and using endlessly open language, will they start to look for said difficult possibilities and will those possibilities manifest as reality? Are my words essentially spells?

Two Conclusions for Now:

I guess I’ve come to two conclusions around this line of questioning. One is that we all have free will and agency. I am realizing now that when I read something difficult about my chart and I can’t get it out of my head, that’s because it’s often true about my life. If I am triggered by something, it’s because I haven’t yet faced that part of myself. I can also decide if a statement about my chart is just objectively untrue.

Obviously, there is a difference between being told something fantastical like “You were a horse in your past life” or something harmful like “You will never find love” (and yes, there are shitty Astrologer scam-artists who say such things) versus “You may have had a hard time expressing yourself as a child.” I think we are all smart enough to recognize that one of these statements has more validity than the others, and as an Astrologer, I can tell you that only one of those statements can be truly symbolized in the birth chart. It is then up to YOU if it resonates or not. But if it triggers you or you can’t get it out of your mind, then it’s probably hitting on some kind of truth.

Another conclusion that I feel confident sticking to for now is that Astrology is a deeply Yin, or Feminine, practice. I have seen many Astrologers try to legitimize their practice in the context of living in a logic-oriented society. In doing so, they say things like, “I am just reading the chart,” or they try to make very material predictions like “You may get married this year.” While part of that may work or is true/possible, I think what’s missing is the fact that even what the Astrologer SEES and decides to SAY is divinely timed. There is an element of receiving an insight from something greater that tells you, “This person may benefit from hearing this.” And while sometimes this does not land immediately with the client, it often does upon reflection. There is a magic to chart reading and excellent readings involve intuition.

So, how does this all relate to our society?

While I do not think “Feminine” and Feminism are the same thing, I do think that what we regard as true Feminism is pretty Masculine. We “Feminists” are taught to value outer-accomplishments, to-do lists, and making money—trying to “do it all” to the point of burnout, resentment, and frustration. I think we have fallen into a very “Yang” paradigm in an attempt to level the playing field but have lost some of the feminine essence required for true homeostasis and happiness. Feminine essence, or the “Yin” in life, governs what is the hidden and mundane work of mothers and fathers, the beauty of the night sky and what happens in dreams, the subtle and inward waters of our emotional landscapes and imagination. That which is connected to the Moon in Astrology, the nighttime, and the unseen.

We need this energy to feed and breed creativity, art, music, children, and poetry. We need this magic to create more life. This energy creates form that is inspiring. If we “Feminists” lean too masculine, we are thrown off balance and over exert ourselves, leading to less fulfilling lives as well as physical depletion. It is my belief that in many ways we still live in a very misogynistic paradigm that does not value the Yin of life. True “feminists,” if genuinely seeking equality, should not dismiss spirituality and the power of symbolic synchronicities without first reflecting on where that bias came from.

If we ignore what cannot be seen and try to neatly label every phenomenon into a box, we are severing the most magical parts of ourselves. The part of ourselves that holds within it many answers that cannot be found through logic or reason. While I once cringed at those who see themselves as conduits, I now can see them for what they are—in touch with their feminine nature, making them more godly, more in touch with the divine.

I will continue to ponder this and many other musings in future newsletters and other offerings. Lately I am unsure of whether to even label myself as an “Astrologer” as I see the potential for weaving in my health interests, psychology, mythology, hormone health, the birth world, art, motherhood, and more. Maybe Secret Symbols is my art, or it’s a lifestyle, I’m not sure.